Homo(ner) Again!

We closed on our new house today! It is a bit far out into the 'burbs for my taste but it is also a bit big and new and still under warranty for in-town, so whatcha gonna do? The guy who owned it before us was a contractor which worked to our extreme advantage in two ways. 1) He did a massive amount of updates to the house, and he did them WELL. 2) We got way more bang for our buck, as it were, when they agreed to pay up to a thousand dollars worth of repairs needed per the home inspection, because he did them himself, and saved on labor, meaning more repairs. Rawk for us.
So we will finally be out of the In-laws house. They are great, wonderful, giving people but I am ready to leave. I am ready to have my own space.
I will miss Norm and his weird OCD quirks, though. Like how the trash gets picked up on Tuesday morning around 9am, yet we have to gather up all our trash on Sunday because he places the trash out at 7am Monday. Or how he believes that our dog's urine contains miracle plant-growth properties, because there are random spots in the back yard that grow a little greener than the rest of the lawn. Miracle dog urine is the ONLY explanation, he says. I suggested aliens, but he said I was full of shit. Or how he's on that awesome drug that makes everybody quit smoking, and readily admits that the actual craving to smoke is long gone, but he still smokes about a pack a day. And takes the extremely expensive drugs to quit smoking at exactly 7:00pm every day, because "They don't work otherwise". Or how even though he goes through a $10.00 "mega-pack" of beef jerky each and every day, he'll drive to a completely different wal-mart if the one in Sapulpa only has the smaller, and thus somehow gayer, "mighty-pack", which he won't buy because "That's just throwin' your money away".
What I won't miss is the uncanny ability he has to magically be standing where ever I happen to need to be. Or how he'll eat more of Jackson's food off of Jackson's plate than Jackson does, causing me to make a second batch of whatever it was that I made. This after I, not 15 minutes ago, offered to make extra so he could have some, to which he always answers no. When he says yes, it's actually worse because he'll stand over me, telling me how to cook microwave bacon properly, which I can't do because he's standing in front of the microwave. And, of course, how he's always up in my shit.
The good FAR outweighs the bad, however, and given some of the relationships I've seen with in-laws over the years, I have one of the very best. They have given me and my family a roof over our heads rent-free for several months, and their hospitality is more generous than I would have ever guessed.
Now I have to get the fuck out.


That is all.