Tales from On Demand 4

2012

Well, this should be interesting. The wife and one of the kids are in Florida for a wedding this weekend. The younger boy is here, but he goes to bed at like 8:30, so my free time has grown by leaps and bounds.
I'm going to try something new this time, and comment as I watch.

00.01.34 - Ominous music and an opening shot of Saturn. I guess they want us to know that Saturn is about to do something really bad. Saturn's always been kind of a dick.
00:02.34 - There is a shot of the sun almost identical to the opening shot of Blade Runner. Weird.
00:03.14 - We meet our first main character. An intelligent, world traveled African American. I predict a gruesome death in his future.
00:05.59 - Enter the sleeze bag. Oliver Platt, even. I predict an even more gruesome death for him. Or he lives through the whole thing.
00:08.33 - Danny Glover! Looking too old for this shit.
00:11.00 - Arabic e-reader. Didn't the manufacturer know that reading white text on a black background is not only bad for one's eyes, but reduces comprehension?
00:13.20 - Enter John Cusack. I bet he's grizzled in some way.
00:16.24 - I was right. The ex married a plastic surgeon.
00:16.34 - grizzled old men. They will live.
00:21.26 - A father daughter talk about the world ending.
00:25.34 - Woody Harrelson playing himself.
00:37.14 - Hey, look! Linoleum cracks just like cement. I knew I should have just poured concrete in my kitchen.

...


Okay, I have to admit something. At this point, it was well after 3:00 AM, and I fell asleep on the couch. And let me tell you this: If you're an action movie, and you can't hold an insomniac's attention at 3AM, then you are not a very good action movie. I guess live blogging a movir wasn't a good idea at 3AM either. So that was friday. I didn't have the desire to finish watching it until monday while Joe was down for a nap. I have to say that this was not a very good movie. The whole point was that some made-up science was going to cause the Earth's crust to do all sorts of bad things, which it did. Here is what I don't get: After the explain that being on a boat is bad because of all the horrible tsunamis (that's tidal wave to you and me), and even show one of the main character's father die horribly by a tsunami while on a boat, the answer to saving civilization is to put everybody on boats. =/ It seems like hot air balloons or dirigibles would be the better choice, if you want to avoid both the land and the sea. Also, even though they explain that all the oceans will cover all of the land masses for some reason, it seems like even if the Earth's crust shifted, a good solid, high place in the middle of a continent would still be the place to be. May the middle of Canada or something.
Any way, skip it. Totally not worth it, even with all the mass destruction and people getting killed by walls of dirt. Okay some of that is pretty cool. I do always love it when a whole shit load of people die in movies.

Powers out.