I have an ear infection.

As well as a sinus infection. Here is the story:

On the plane trip home from Denver after Thanksgiving, I felt a little under the weather, but chalked it up to travel yuck. Then I got really sick, and spent two days in bed with the lights off, wishing for sweet slumber to shroud me in his purple cloak, or death. Or some shit. I wanted to feel better. So I did what any man would do, and exceeded the recommended dosage of several over the counter drugs and floated back to work. After a while, I felt better but had lingering stuffies and a chest mucous that was being expelled at an alarming rate. I was missing my healthy smoker's cough anyway (I more or less quit back in April), so I didn't mind.

About a week ago, my ears were all plugged up, so I went to town with the off-brand Q-tipTM or cotton swab. My right ear felt line, but my left was a little poppy after a day, so thinking I missed something I went back at it. I went a little too far, and lost hearing in my left ear. I frantically searched google, and found that this happens all the time and that there is even a warning on the box. I guess only the name brand does that, because I checked, and it wasn't there. Based on what Internet said, I assumed that I either pushed a heap of wax way far back, or ruptured my eardrum. I decided to wait it out. A week later, I had developed a distinct ringing, reminiscent of the few days after seeing Skinny Puppy or Ministry live. I decided it was time to see the doctor.

Once there, The Doc looked me over, and when she got to my ears, she couldn't even see in there. We have to irrigate, she says. A while later, the nurse shows up with a giant plastic syringe and a bucket full of a mixture of Hydrogen peroxide and hot water. I hold this smaller bucket with a notch cut out for the ear up to the side of my head, and he proceeds to squirt the stuff into my ear with the strength of a fire hose. On the third or fourth try, I can suddenly hear again!
"Whoa! That did it!" I say.
"um.... Yeah." He says, and shows me what's in the little bucket. It is not pretty.
The Doc comes back and looks in my ear.
"Oh, yeah," she says. "You have an ear infection.
Well duh.

I am now on antibiotics. And some kickin decongestants, that may have been half-way made into meth already. I'm happy about my ear. Don't let those things go, kids. Oscar Wilde died from an ear infection, you know. And you don't want to be like Oscar Wilde do you?

-JP