The Turner of the screws

So next week, Mr. Turner will be visiting, and I am very excited. For all his neurosis, he is a good and honest man. He became one of the best friends I have ever known within hours of meeting him(those hours spent at Streets of London Pub). I knew him before he had flames. I trusted him so much when we met, that I didn't have a problem with him moving in with Jen, him being an ex-boyfriend and all. For a whole year, and especially during the build-out for Pablo's,we played NHL HITZ and watched Blind Date or Conan every single night. We kept Gabor's in the black. And now he is coming for a visit. We are going to throw him a party, we like him so much. So come to our house on the eve of the 16th to wish him well, and help get him drunk. He will regale you with yarns of a tattooed goth existence.
In other news:
1)I need a new drafting table. If you have one, kindly set it on my porch.
2)Jackson's back teeth have turned out to be complete assholes. Nobody likes them. They keep Jack up at night, which keeps mommy and daddy up at night. Which makes mommy and daddy cranky and destroys their immune systems. In addition, it keeps daddy completely chemical dependent to appear human.
3)A happy birthday should have gone out yesterday to Tom Waits.
4)Happy birthdays go out today to my Dad, Joey, and Kyle.
5)Happy birthday goes out to Heather O tomorrow.
6)Yoko can go fuck herself.